Gene Tsudik

Extinguished Professor of Computer Science  
Computer Science Department
Pewterschmidt School of Information and Computer Sciences

University of Caliphoneya, Irvine

Some words I invented, but (sadly) never trademarked:

• Humarrhoid (noun)
  :a perennially irritated, cantankerous and annoyed person; a fairly common species among tenured faculty.
• Collabortion (noun)
  :an attempt at (e.g., scientific) collaboration that has failed or never took off.
• Shizza (noun)
  :a form of pseudo-nourishment typically offered at academic gatherings (faculty- and/or student-attended) in the United States. It is rumored to be distantly related to pizza.
• Cryptosexual (adj, opt. noun)
  :a person whose sexual orientation can not be guessed with probability greater than (0.5+\epsilon), where \epsilon is a security parameter.
• Donorrhea (noun)
  :the state of uncontrolled donation to political, religious or other causes. Sadly, it has no cure.
• Mediot (noun)
  :a person who uses fancy multi-media tools in a presentation (or publication) to obscure lack of substance/content.
• Glopeteria (noun)
  :a food-serving establishment offering a rich assortment of (usually overpriced) glop, e.g., certain eateries at UCI.
• Homocitational (adj)
  :refers to the behavior of a person who chronically cites him/her-self (a common academic disease). Use example: Joe's recent publications exhibit signs of homocitational behavior.
• Cryptonecrophilia (noun)
  :an act of repeatedly finding "holes" or "bugs" in a long-dead (broken) cryptosystem, scheme or protocol.
• Cryptolibel (noun)
  :an act of besmirching the reputation of a cryptosystem, scheme or protocol by any combination of: (1) empty claims, (2) broken attacks, (3) attacks on properties never claimed by the "victim".
• Sloppid (adj)
  :refers to a person who is both stupid and sloppy .
• Teutological (adj)
  :refers to Teutonic logic or reasoning which is, simulteneosly: pedantic, rigid, self-righteous and dull.
• Obsecure (verb)
  :to apply ineffective or inappropriate security techniques in order to address non-existent or exaggerated security threats.
• Mediocrat (noun)
  :a medio-cre (usually self-important, seemingly irreplaceable and perennially busy) bureau-crat
• Econdomy (noun)
  :E-condom-y: nefarious cottage industry that uses scare tactics and borderline malware to peddle its (usually ineffective and over-priced) "security" products to naive users.
• Youthanasia (noun)
  :Youth-an-asia: activity (popular in Orange County) that involves repeated voluntary submission to plastic surgery; usually yields extremely grotesque results that can prompt fear and panic attacks in small children and household pets.
• Geekosystem (noun)
  :Geek-oh-system : microcosm, often within the confines of a small lab, inhabited by k>2 earnest geeks who "feed off each other" in terms of humor, hygiene, dietary habits and entertainment choices.