Away in a manger late one night in December a child was born. The name of this child, was Dave Christ. Dave discovered early in his life that he had special powers that could astound and frighten those he encountered. Dave himself was actually pretty bored with life and seeing as how he was born with some pretty amazing powers, nothing bothered him much. As such he began harvesting others' bejesus like a madman, without even really tring! Now at this time, people knew all about bejesus and its powers, so Dave decided he was going to do what no person before him had ever managed to do, he was going to become Jesus! He went on a trek confusing people with his powers, walking on water, turning water to wine, walking on wine, you name it! He set up a tour of the lands around his home, gathering all of the bejesus from all of the people in a region, and then moving on. He would confuse and frighten people with stories of a vengeful and yet compassionate higher being who they should all obey. He would give sermons (speeches) on mounts or whatever other high places he could find so that he could talk to as many people as possible. Sometimes when he had a really scary story to tell he would go up somewhere high so that he would get the bejesus that shot from people's heads (a technique also used my Moses to great effect. Alas, it was never enough to make him the Jesus).

  After all this, Dave was still only a little over halfway there! Still, some people on their own quests for Jesusdom got jealous and wanted Dave's bejesus for themselves. One guy, a prince or something, got an idea. I'll tell Dave I'm going to NAIL HIM TO A CROSS! If that doesn't just absolutely scare the bejesus out of him I don't know what will! Much to his dismay, Dave was just like, fine whatever you want. Furious, the prince guy decided he was actually going to do it! "We'll see how calm you are when you're on a cross, bitch" he said. But his plan backfired! Not only did Dave maintain all of his bejesus through the whole ordeal, this little event set him up for his biggest miracle yet, he came back to life. Well, that was just it. At that point it was too easy. Everyone who so much as saw Dave was hideously scared or confused, or both. All Dave had to do was go about his normal business for about a month or two and he had done it, he had become Jesus!

  A little while later some guys figured out a way they could make a lot of money. They wrote a book about Dave's adventures, but to keep things simple they changed a few things and made it so that Jesus was his birth name (which is why the real meaning of the abbreviation of years "After Dave" has been lost). I hear its still selling pretty well, despite the fact people have kinda missed the point since all specific references to bejesus were omitted in the second edition. Who will be next then? find out on the next page-->.