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Wondering what's going on? New readers click here.
Latest News:
Don King Nearly Jesus!
Famous Boxing Promoter Reaches 0.78 Jesi
An ecstatic Don King responded in a national press conference to
the announcement of his record-breaking bejesus total of nearly 0.76 Jesi (76% of the
bejesus required to be Jesus). This is the largest amount of bejesus ever held by a
single person since Dave Christ in 33 BC. The conference, held in Seattle, Washington,
shocked bejesus speculators. It has been widely acknowledged that King had attained, as
Bejesus Quarterly analyst Geoff Mandir put it "a cubic assload" of bejesus.
However the record breaking figure of 0.76 has shocked many of the top Bejesoligists in
the country. In fact, the number so scared the bejesus out of those attending
that his total immediately jumped to 0.78 Jesi. Of course this was reported by King's
representatives shortly after, which of course expelled the remaining bejesus from those
attending and its a good thing because the cycle could have gone on forever otherwise.
Greeting card company Hallmark has again raised its reward for anyone who can lower King's total
to below 0.5 Jesi. The $500,000 bounty has...
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Current Leaders
Don King (0.78 Jesi):
Don King is going strong, having reached a record-high bejesus total. Watch for his total to fall
due to attempts on his bejesus by the Christian Church in coming months. However, if things continue
as they have we'll have another King as our second Jesus.
(Profile)
Sigfried (0.47 Jesi):
Its well known that magicians just don't have the potential they should these days, and its showing.
Lower ticket sales are hurting the flamboyant illusionist's progress, he'll need quite a trick to
get his goal back in sight.
(Profile)
Bob Peterson (0.41 Jesi):
This welder from Arkansas continues to astound analists. Study continues into how a man can
continue to outpace some of the biggest gainers in the bejesus race without even trying. Moving into
third place, he remains as much an enigma as ever.
(Profile)
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"The Sims 2" to Include Bejesus Bar
Maxis, maker of the popular family simulation game, The Sims, has released some long-awaited new
information about the game's upcoming sequel. Amid new screenshots and house design options was
the announcement that The Sims 2 will feature a Bejesus Bar! Information on the matter is still
scarce at this juncture but we have obtained two exclusive screenshots featuring the bars in action
which are on display on page 3.
For those unfamiliar with the first game, it allows you to control the members of a little virtual family.
Their status is reported to you via little bars which represent how hungry, tired, bored, etc. they are.
The bejesus bar looks to be activated via the usual methods of scaring, slapping etc. Apparently your people
can even become Jesus!
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