Ever since Dave, many people informed about bejesus theory have attempted to become Jesus as he did. Several general catagories of people are being watched closely for gains in bejesus totals, each of which is detailed here.

Clowns - You would think that being a clown would be a great way to get bejesus. I mean, lets face it, they're scary as fuck. They go around scaring the bejesus out of little kids, and since kids are so short, a clown is in prime position to collect it all. The only problem with this is that kids tend to get the bejesus scared or confused out of them on a daily basis. So what if a clown manages to get all of a bunch of kids' bejesus? Your average six-year-old is scared by bugs and confused by just about everything else. Its unlikely that a clown will ever pull it off, their targets just aren't bejesus-rich enough.

Boxers - Some think that someday a really good boxer will become Jesus. There are several things working in their favor. Firstly, most boxers are pretty scary sons of bitches, and tall to boot so there's plenty of bejesus to be gained that way. Also, a boxing glove gives a boxer's fist a nice big area with which to hit with. The result is that tons of bejesus gets knocked out with each punch. That is why the uppercut is a good punch to use, you get right under your opponent and send his bejesus showering all over you. Unfortunately most boxers have so much brain damage that all it takes is the post-fight interview to confuse pretty much all of their bejesus out of them. They rarely even break even on the fight. The result is, no boxer has even come close, but someone near them has, as we will see.

Old People - When people start to get old they are forced to face their own mortality. Some turn to religion, others turn to becoming Jesus. A favorite technique is faking Alzheimer's to confuse relatives and scare children (lets face it, the main reason people have children is that they're considered a great source of bejesus). Others, old ladies especially, turn to slapping the bejesus out of people, sometimes with their purses. This works out pretty well, they can get away with it because they're old. Who's going to hit a little old lady back? Usually though, its to little too late. It takes a lifetime of successful bejesus collecting to become Jesus, not just some halfassed last-minute attempt and its time peole learned that.

Evangelists - Maybe its somehow connected to the fact that Jesus is the hero of the Bible, but religion is a great way to get bejesus off people. The people who try to use religion to get bejesus (and maybe some money while they're at it) off of people by using religion are commonly called evangelists. A while ago they were pretty common. These guys would set up "miracles" to confuse the vaguely skeptical and shock the true believers. The evangelist would stand at the front of a bunch of people and get them on stage so he could "cleanse their demons". This was really just an excuse to get those that were going to be most amazed the closest to him. Often someone would come along on the tour and do grunt work in return for the privilege of being the "catcher". This was a highly coveted position because this person would catch the "cleansed" people as they fainted backwards, soaking up confused and scared bejesus alike. For a while this method was generally accpeted as a great way to get bejesus and several people came damn close. Since then, this method of bejesus collection has become a lost art. Its true purpose has been lost and most modern evangelists are only in it for the money. Additionally, most high budget evangelism is done on television, which completely misses the point! All that that kind of evangelism accomplishes is transferring bejesus between watching family members. Its a crying shame.

Magicians - Employing a similar strategy to that described above, some magicians have embarked on quests to become Jesus. The entire concept of magic has its origins in people's early attempts to fake the magic that Dave Christ could really do. Since then, people have performed increasingly elaborate tricks in attempts to confuse the bejesus out of increasingly jaded audiences. You'd think this would be an effective method, but when people go to a magic show they are expecting to be tricked, and the effect is almost completely lost. With the exception of the really big tricks, most of them are just too easy to figure out and the only emotion elicited is dismay. Plus, some people don't even try to figure tricks out, they just go and have a good time, and while they may be amazed, this just isn't efficient.   You can actually amaze the bejesus out of somebody, but you have got to do something really, really amazing and magic tricks don't even come close to being amazing enough. The guy would have to start juggling a half dozen cattle or something. As a side note, when bejesus is amazed out of somebody it does this weird, fluctuating omni-directional explosion thing, pretty cool but it just never happens. Maybe someday a magician will perform an incredible enough trick in front of enough people to get a worthwhile amount of bejesus, but its just not likely. Besides, nobody really seems to care about magicians anymore except when they're on FOX exposing their secrets.

  It may seem like nobody will ever become Jesus. After all each of these catagories has some reson why the person really couldn't become Jesus. Well, the fact is its really damn hard to do and thats why its only been done once. Still, there are a few individuals today who are getting darn close and who we have profiled here.

   Don King - Boxing Promoter and Current Bejesus Leader
   Bob Peterson - Suprise Contender and Welder Extrodinaire
   Siegfried - Flamboyant Illusionist Keeping the Craft Alive

  So all kinds of people are trying to be Jesus, and no wonder. You'd make the cover of Time easy, besides recognition by the Christian Church and as a resume item. But bejesus collection is a global issue, and it matters to people who aren't even trying to be Jesus. Why? The answer is, as always, on the next page-->.