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Page 2
Who Wants to Be Jesus to Air on FOX
Making a rare dip below their usual high standards, the FOX network announced that they
will begin taping of a brand new game show set to air next season. The show, Who Wants
to Be Jesus, will loosely follow the format of the popular game show Who Wants to be a
Millionaire but will be better. Owners of that show's rights are currently organizing
several lawsuits against the FOX broadcast company, as are most members of the Christian
right.
According to an executive behind the show, "[Who Wants to be Jesus] will bring about a
new age in game shows. Millions will watch, because the winner could be someone they
will have to worship, a person who will appear on countless television shows, magazines
and tortillas in the years to come."
It is still unclear exactly how the show will be executed. We do know that contestants
will be asked increasingly difficult questions about only the most obscure of topics,
perhaps with some bejesus trivia thrown in to fit the theme. We also talked to some of
the people who designed the set for the show and it's said to make the "Millionaire" stage
look pretty tame. Apparently its construction will require over a hundred lasers, dozens
of fog machines, several tons of explosives and a host/contestant chair set that is capable
of rotation along three axis, at over 300 rpm each.
Continued on Page 3-->
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Nearly Jesus
(Continued from page 1)
...increased to now be a full million dollars. The company
is, of course, opposed to King's Jesushood due to his Dec 6th birthday which would not require
the rebuying of Christmas items (See the full BQ analysis of Hallmark's motives here.)
They also issued a statement that their sponsored contender, magician and
June Birthday, Siegfried, has made gains in Bejesus for the second time this month.
The Christian Church has made its usual statement assuring
its millions of members worldwide that there is "no more veracity to these claims than there has
ever been"; which is technically true.
Remarkably though, a recently conducted poll shows that nearly 30% of Christians have now accepted
Bejesus Theory as "able to make someone Jesus". Many religious leaders have expressed concern, feeling that
they are losing the battle against the theory. Never since the days of fighting off evolution has
the church faced such a powerful logic-based opponent. Only time will tell what their official stance ends
up being. The Pope has thus far remained typical tight-lipped on the issue.
In any event, bejesus theorists the world
over can revel in the fact that we are now closer to having a Jesus on Earth than anyone in nearly
2000 years. At the current rate, Don King could become Jesus in just under 3 years! (Based on rates
over the last 5 years, approximations accurate to within 4% assuming no change in rate).
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