If you look through the American Heritage Dictionary you will find the following entry -

  Bejesus - (n) Exclamative; The bear scared the bejesus out of us.

  For some time people have been using the word bejesus casually in phrases like "He said you confused the bejesus out of him", "This old lady just completely slapped the bejesus out of him" and "That screaming, flaming skull in the closet totally scared the bejesus out of me!". However, new scientific discoveries demand a new and much more accurate meaning be included.

  Bejesus - (n) A substance found in the human body that determines how close one is to becoming Jesus.

  You see, scientists have discovered what ancient societies already knew, that there is a microscopic particle known as bejesus that dwells in all of us. The knowledge of this particle was lost, but the phrases used to describe its movement have remained a part of our society. Well no more will they be used casually and without meaning, for they describe the motions of a very real substance, bejesus. Shown here is an actual bejesus particle which has been caught in a magnetic field and magnified over 100,000 times (image courtesy Bejesus Labs, in Dallas). The image supports what we already suspected from years of clinical testing, the particle is resposible for people becoming Jesus! This discovery opened up a wide variety of economic, political and theoretical issues which it is the purpose of this site to address. Anyone can be Jesus? Who should it be, who will it be and what does the Christian Church have to say about all this? All will be answered, but it is important to first understand some of the basic physics of bejesus.

  So bejesus determines how close you are to being Jesus, but how much bejesus does it take to be Jesus? Well, a hell of a lot. Bejesus is generated naturally by the human body, but very slowly. The most recent calculations tell us it would take hundreds of lifetimes for enough bejesus to be generated in a person's body for them to actually become Jesus. The only way one can ever hope to become Jesus in their lifetime is by stealing bejesus from other people. How can you get another person's bejesus? The most common techniques are detailed on the next page-->.