I certainly thought, in any case, that it was a question to which I had better have an answer (because getting a Ph.D.--especially in a technical subject--is not something to try if you lack motivation). So I gave it some thought, and came forth with a number of answers.

One reason why I'm writing this is for Bill, of course, but the reasons why I'm putting it up on my web page are that (a) this web page explores various other aspects of my psyche, so why not this one?; and (b) perhaps it will give those that might be considering a career as an academia nut some useful things to think about.

• I like being in an environment in which I can continue to take, and sit in on, classes--in which learning new things is considered to have value in itself.

• I like teaching at the university level. In order to be able to do this long-term, having a Ph.D. is a most useful credential.

• I would like to be involved in the generation of ideas, the research which elaborates and refines them, and the application of the refined products to real-world problems. I suspect that it may be easier, especially in the current climate, to get involved in applying my ideas (by involving myself in industry, from my position in academia) than it would be to get involved in the research end if I were in industry. In any event, if I want to do R&D, having a Ph.D. is a good way of getting people to take me seriously as a candidate for same.

• I like being in an environment in which I am encouraged to think about interesting and difficult problems.

• I want to have the experience of doing what I need to do in order to complete a doctoral degree--specifically, dedicating myself to creating, working through in detail, and completing a major scientific and technical work.

  On a related note, I feel a need to improve my academic self-discipline, and "if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere" (so to speak).

  In some ways, I'd be happy having the status of a non-degree-seeking graduate student. One of the things that I don't like about graduate school is that one is discouraged from taking the attitude of "I'd like to take classes in a great many interesting and different things, which may or may not lead to a specific research project". I like learning things for their own sake, and I feel my education to be sadly neglected in a number of different areas. It would be nice to be able to branch out more, and not feel pressured to restrict my attentions.

  I suppose that if I had enough money to be able to live comfortably and pay my own tuition, I might be able to ignore such pressures (although you'd think that the university would want me to be a graduate student as long as possible, considering that it's paying me a pittance--about $12 an hour after taxes-- to teach or be a teaching assistant). Apparently if I'd wanted to be able to do that, I should have spent a lot more time designing galaxies before showing up to start my Ph.D.

  In any case, I have a bachelor's degree, I have a Master's degree, and as far as I know, if I want to continue to be a graduate student, I'm going to have to show progress towards a doctorate.

• People have been calling Dad "Dr. Madden" for as long as I can remember (and probably as long as I've been alive, come to think of it). I'm looking forward to calling him on the phone some time and saying "Hi, this is Dr. Madden, I'd like to talk to Dr. Madden." (Okay, so it's a lot of effort to go through for a fairly weak joke. So sue me.)

• I like the university environment in many respects (although I have to admit that five years at the U of Oregon has caused me to conclude that I would probably be driven nuts by this particular university in the long run): it tends to be a microcosm of culture (music and dance in particular) and social opportunities with those of active brain.