Taking Tickets

by Eric Torgerson.

A woman in her forties, dressed wealthy, stands by the door for a while and then says, I guess you couldn't let me in for just twenty minutes, could you, I guess I shouldn't even ask, it's just that I'm leaving in twenty minutes and I'd like to go in, it seems a shame to get a ticket for twenty minutes, it wouldn't be right for you to let me in though, would it, that's right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't even ask.... She walks away fast.

I like her, she tells the truth and she doesn't want anything free.

A girl in shorts and halter top, barefoot, pretty, stands by the door for a while--they all start wrong that way, standing a while without talking to get up their nerve -- then tells me she's been waiting for weeks, looking forward, her friends are inside, a bummer, could she just sneak in? I give her my smile of apology, gee, I feel bad, I'm just here taking tickets, after all.... She knows how I feel, her friends, looking forward, a bummer, oh well. She says have a good day.

I like her too, she's nice. If I like you I won't let you in without a ticket.

There's never a problem with your friends, they always have tickets, and they've got them out before you have to ask.

A guy who worked here, inside, but he quit or they fired him, he walks up and starts to small talk, nice day, good crowd? I give him short answers, I know what he wants. He never looks straight at me once, just questions, how's Bob, did Annette have her baby yet. He doesn't want to have to ask, he wants me to say come on in Ed? on me? for old times' sake? We were never friends, I'm going to make him say it. And it takes him so long, he can think of so many questions. Finally he asks, he's broke, things are tough, I say go on in, but no smile, no friendship, just get out of here. Ten minutes of thank you till I say again go on in.

Just make me despise you, you can get me to let you in free. I do it to hurt you.

I don't know why I've stayed at this job for so long. It's not the right kind of job for someone like me.

I stay because sometimes somebody just walks through. They have no ticket and I don't ask, they don't need one. Not for the obvious reasons: it's not just beautiful women or old men with canes. Just people who don't need tickets, who walk right through. It's like they hypnotize me, but they don't. It's who they are. I don't ask for a ticket, I say hi.

The thing I wonder about, the thing that amazes me, is how do they know they don't need a ticket. You need tickets here. People cheat and sneak, but it's not the same thing. What does it feel like, knowing you don't need a ticket? They never act like movie stars or the president; more like they don't know anyone needs a ticket. But they do know that. They don't act embarrassed, either.

That's what you wait for, taking tickets. Sometimes it's months, even years. Then someone walks through, and it makes you feel good, deep inside, way down. all the way.