Professor of Computer Science
Computer Science Department
Pewterschmidt School of Information
and Computer Sciences
University of Caliphoneya, Irvine
Some words I invented, but (sadly) never trademarked:
- Humarrhoid (noun)
:a perennially irritated, cantankerous and annoyed person; a fairly common species among tenured faculty.
- Collabortion (noun)
:an attempt at (e.g., scientific) collaboration that has failed
or never took off.
- Shizza (noun)
:a form of pseudo-nourishment typically offered at academic gatherings
(faculty- and/or student-attended)
in the United States. It is rumored to be distantly related to pizza.
- Cryptosexual (adj, opt. noun)
:a person whose sexual orientation can not be guessed with probability
greater than (0.5+\epsilon), where \epsilon is a security parameter.
- Donorrhea (noun)
:the state of uncontrolled donation to political, religious or other causes. Sadly, it has
- Mediot (noun)
:a person who uses fancy multi-media tools in a presentation (or publication) to obscure
lack of substance/content.
- Glopeteria (noun)
:a food-serving establishment offering a rich assortment of (usually overpriced)
glop, e.g., certain eateries at UCI.
- Homocitational (adj)
:refers to the behavior of a person who chronically cites him/her-self
(a common academic disease). Use example: Joe's recent publications
exhibit signs of homocitational behavior.
- Cryptonecrophilia (noun)
:an act of repeatedly finding "holes" or "bugs" in a long-dead (broken)
cryptosystem, scheme or protocol.
- Cryptolibel (noun)
:an act of besmirching the reputation of a cryptosystem, scheme or protocol by
any combination of: (1) empty claims, (2) broken attacks, (3) attacks on properties
never claimed by the "victim".
- Sloppid (adj)
:refers to a person who is both stupid and sloppy .
- Teutological (adj)
:refers to Teutonic logic or reasoning which is, simulteneosly: pedantic,
rigid, self-righteous and dull.
- Obsecure (verb)
:to apply ineffective or inappropriate security techniques in order
to address non-existent or exaggerated security threats.
- Mediocrat (noun)
:a medio-cre (usually self-important, seemingly irreplaceable and perennially busy) bureau-crat
- Econdomy (noun)
:E-condom-y: nefarious cottage industry that uses
scare tactics and borderline malware to peddle its (usually ineffective
and over-priced) "security" products to naive users.
- Youthanasia (noun)
:Youth-an-asia: activity (popular in Orange County) that involves
repeated voluntary submission to plastic surgery; usually yields extremely
grotesque results that can prompt fear and panic attacks in small children
and household pets.
- Geekosystem (noun)
:Geek-oh-system : microcosm, often within the confines of a small lab,
inhabited by k>2 earnest geeks who "feed off each other" in terms of humor,
hygiene, dietary habits and entertainment choices.